I’m so fucking weird
I’m the nicest rude person you’ll ever meet.
I don’t give a fuck about anything but at the same time, I care about a lot.
I hate people but I develop crushes easily.
I hate myself but I’m completely fabulous.
I need help.
i met a girl yesterday who said she recognised me from a vegetarian club, but i’d never seen herbivore
OH MY GOD DID YOU ACTUALLY CENSOR OUT MY URL
i’m punk on the inside because being punk on the outside is too expensive
A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father
"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"
"Dad, you don’t mean-"
"Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition*
"Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".